smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
