my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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