I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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