Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
