I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
