You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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