i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
