Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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