It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
