If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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