lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
