im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize