also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
