i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
