She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
