Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!

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(704): View more from North Carolina

We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?

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(618): View more from Illinois

It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.

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(712): View more from Iowa

I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"

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(817): View more from Texas

I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..

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