I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
