She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
