Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
