if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
