i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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