Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
