Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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