Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
