i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
its liver damage thursday
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize