K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
