Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
