i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
soo... how was my night?
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