I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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