I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
