This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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