if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
