Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
