you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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