i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
