I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
