I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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