I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
