I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
