the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
