He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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