We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
