I'm jealous of your bromance
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
