hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
