Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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