Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
