1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
