farters have to be the big spoon...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
