I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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