Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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