So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
