he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize