Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Found your dick twin last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
