from now on my penis is your penis
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
