She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
