I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
