dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
