hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
