Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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