He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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