I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
