I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
