problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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