I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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