Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
