I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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