yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
