We should be called the Road Head Warriors
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
