What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
