In the future we'll all be gay
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
