I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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