Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
