Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
