Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
try to milk me bitch
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
