Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
